Shades of Gray

It is said that people get softer as they age, that the fire they once burned with fades and that they, in a word: settle. But I think that this perception falls short of explaining what is actually happening to people. Over the last few years, the lessons I have learned that have made me a better person all had to do with seeing the shades of gray in life: forgiving those who've wronged you, pardoning the amoral, using sporks, etc. I don't mean losing a sense of what is "right" or "wrong," everyone will always have an opinion on that. I mean coming to acknowledge that there are more than 2 answers to any situation.

When I was younger, I either hated or loved everything. There didn't exist a middle ground. I hated smokers; I hated stupid people; I hated lies. Never mind that some stupid people are kinder and more impactful than many an arrogant smart person. It didn't matter that lies could save other's pain. Everything was so easily boxed in my mind. And I think it's part of "growing up" to lose those boxes and mellow out about things. It doesn't involve liking the things you hate, but it does require an acceptance that: 1) people have value despite their perceived negatives, and 2) the way you live your life isn't right for everyone else. How could it be with the staggering variety of people in the world?

Maybe it's an American thing, dividing the world into polarities: good/bad, light/dark, negative/positive. Even in language we operate with a mathematical form of logic. American English is the only language in the world where double negatives make positives. For example, "Can't not" means that you can. In any other language the double negative only reinforces the negativity of the phrase. Only in English can two wrongs make a right. Perhaps, it's that idea of math that causes our culture to look at things with such polarity...

So, yes, I guess you soften. But I like to think of it as recognizing the gradient in all things. Black, White, and a million shades of gray.