I don't know why people find it so hard to act on logic sometimes. Personally, when I see a problem, be it social or practical, I try to remove the emotion from it and act towards the best solution for all parties involved. Or, if that's not possible, then the solution best for the most people. But this doesn't seem to be the case for the world at large. I hear "I'll do what my heart tells me" more than I ever thought possible; and with some of the most disastrous consequences!
Maybe it's Hollywood or faerie tales, but what makes people think that “following your heart" will lead you to the best results? Is it right because it will feel the best? That's more another organ's area of expertise. Doing the wrong thing feels good, people! Otherwise there'd be no problem in avoiding it. Applying this frustration to today's topic should be fairly easy as I have silently raged against it for ages: monkey-barring.
What is monkey-barring? About a year ago my friend, Ann, pulled off one of the most blatant monkey-bars I've ever seen. Ann had been dating Mike for 8 months and was increasingly dissatisfied. She claimed to love him, but was often uncertain of his feelings towards herself and was always craving more from him. Then she met Roger through a friend of ours. Roger liked Ann immediately, and began to pursue her. Even though Ann was committed to Mike, she encouraged these advances, claiming she “liked the attention.” After a month of Ann trying to make Mike jealous, he discovered some rather incriminating emails and stormed out. Ann called him and officially broke it off and, a year later, she and Roger claim their anniversary as the day Mike stormed out.
So what did Ann do? When someone is in a relationship and decides they want to leave but is too afraid to do so without having another guy/girl lined up, they are monkey-barring. On the playground, you don't let go of the first rung until you've got the second firmly in your grasp. Monkey-bar-ers swing from one person to the next, emotionally cheating if not yet physically, and never for a moment live their lives as a single person.
The situation is fair to no one. The little monkey gets to escape loneliness and a period of self-reflection, but immediately drowns themselves in adapting to another person; their personalities are fairly fluid and mold to any new lover's needs. The first rung loses their lover to another man/woman without much warning...which comes as a considerable blow because monkeys rarely communicate their dissatisfaction in a relationship to their partner. The second rung seemingly gets what they want: the monkey (who seems oh-so-perfect for them). Unfortunately, they also inherit the additional emotional baggage of the scared monkey and they know from the beginning how inconstant their new partner is. You can't trust someone who has cheated with you to not cheat on you in the future.
The cure to this behavior? Man up! Grow a set! Know thyself. Don't be afraid to be single! Desperation may make monkey-barring seem an attractive option but you're not doing any favors, least of all to your heart.
(See next week's follow-up article: Home-wreckers!)
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